Monday, January 18, 2010

Masterplan: Heights is unaffected, right? pt 1

I was doing a bit of transcription, although in retrospect I have some concerns about my accuracy.

Gary: I see a bunch of stuff up there. Heights projects are unaffected by what we've seen tonight, right?

Consultant: Believe it. {pretends to talk on radio} "The Golden Calf is intact. I repeat: the Golden Calf is intact."

Gary: {wiping brow} Thank god. Wait. Are you sure?

Consultant: It's right here on this slide called "Heights gets their previously-agreed-upon projects and in return they promise not to scuttle the upcoming bonds program." We're foldin' it in right there. Masterplan doesn't get done otherwise. Our contract stipulates "if Heights ain't happy, nobody's happy."

Gary: That's awesome. We're talkin' millions of future debt to work with here; exactly what kind of additional, ludicrous water configurations will work for Heights?

Consultant: The overall plan includes...

Gary: Heights. Stay focused. We're talking about Heights here.

Consultant: Uh...

Gary: a water feature?

Consultant: yes, that's in there.

Gary: A big water feature, a really good one?

Consultant: Yeah. Humongous. We really think we can stuff....

Gary: Rivers? Floating rivers? Heights people gotta float.

Amir: Focus group! Uptown! Desirable demographics! Up and coming incomes!* {starts making sound of hard drive clicking, not spinning up}

etc

* That last bit is an actual quote. I assume it was a Freudian slip.

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